Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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