your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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