Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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