I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
