my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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