Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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