My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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