Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
