I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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