Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
