So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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