I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
