I love black thongs
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
