these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize