Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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