So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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