Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
