I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
