That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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