She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
