if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
either way he was missing a nipple.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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