my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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