Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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