eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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