Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
