Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
