Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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