I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
