Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
