I wish I could teleport
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
