Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize