He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam ð
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
when your dumb AF ex âaccidentallyâ venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... âsorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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