two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
