____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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