He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
