You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
