She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
