So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
