Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
