Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
