I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
