whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
