Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
