i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
