Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
