I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's just like the Real World with babies
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
