i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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