Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
