i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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