so explain again why im purple
no
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
