More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He did a backflip because drugs
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