OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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