we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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