I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
