i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
