So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
