That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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