I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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