I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
