dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
