my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize