I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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