he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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