I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
