Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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