i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
