Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
