addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
