Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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