dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
