and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize