I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
