Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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