I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize