I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
