wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
