the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
