living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
