i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
