Little spoons don't ask big questions
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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