Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize