It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Randomize
