I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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