I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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