You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
