Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
