You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
