hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
