I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
