when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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