Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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