this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
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