worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
