My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
