every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
