I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize