Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude i'm inner monologue high
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
