FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
