I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
