he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
God I need to hump something, right now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
