Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
