how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
