he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
