Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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