I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
