Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
