I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
