I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
