Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
