Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
