This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
