I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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