My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
