I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
