My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
